


The Day You Took The Good Away

by dvisyhead



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Homophobic Language, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Physical Abuse, Sad, Songfic, Suicide, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:18:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2554238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvisyhead/pseuds/dvisyhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan was Phil's purpose, and he had taken all of his good away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day You Took The Good Away

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't read if you are in any way triggered by suicide or mentions of abuse!!!!
> 
> songfic based off of 'the day you took the good away' by front porch step. basically dan is depressed and has an abusive dad but phil wants to make him as happy as he possibly can. i hope this doesn't suck i spent like two days writing this so yeah.
> 
> i also wrote this a while before all of the allegations against front porch step so don't hate me from writing something based off of his music lol.

_I saw you standing on that bridge._  
 _Right then I knew the life that I would like to live._  
 _Your frizzy hair tangled my mind._  
 _Right then I knew that I would love you for all time._

Phil always liked to take long walks alone at night. Whenever his home life seemed hectic for school stress got too much for him sometimes, the walks helped calm him down and clear his mind. He wasn't sure why they helped. Maybe it was seeing the stars look so pretty at night, or just being alone in such a big area, but it helped and he wasn't going to question it.

On his walks, Phil tended to cross a bridge over the town's largest lake. He liked how nice the water looked in the moonlight, and he got a great view of the city. What he didn't expect to see that night was a tall figure leaning against the railing, looking down at the water. The figure appeared to be a younger boy with brown, wavy hair. He seemed to grip onto the railing for his life, his hands shaking despite his grip as he knuckles turned white.

Another thing Phil didn't expect to do that night was talk to some random stranger he ran into on his way.

"Hey." Phil spoke up. The man quickly jumped at his voice, whipping around to face Phil.

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking." The boy spoke up quietly after a moment of hesitation.

"About?"

"Oh, you know, the prevalence of the inevitability of death and how life is kind of pointless." The bitterness in the boy's tone rolled off his tongue, almost sounding sarcastic. Phil rolled his eyes, but he felt a bit worried for the kid. Plus, people standing near the edge of a bridge looking down below is never a good sign.

"Want to talk about it?"

This seemed to surprise the boy. "Why do you care?"

Phil shrugged. "Because I know how you feel."

After a moment of silence, the man walked slowly closer to Phil. "I'm Dan."

"Phil. Come on, let's sit and talk. No harm in that, right?"

"I guess not." Dan said, almost shyly. Phil smiled at Dan, giving him reassurance before sitting down on the sidewalk before Dan followed his actions.

_You ran your hand across the ledge._  
 _Right then I felt that all my hunger had been fed._  
 _You cracked a smile up towards the sky._  
 _That thought alone will keep me happy for my life_

Phil's casual walk once every few weeks began to become an every night thing. Dan and Phil would meet up together and just talk. Sometimes things got personal, sometimes few words were exchanged and they just ended up watching traffic and the stars, and sometimes they would talk and laugh and pretend the rest of the world and their problems were nonexistence.

Phil never really considered any of the people he had met at uni friends, but Dan was the closest thing he had to a friend in a long time. He would call Dan a best friend, actually. Dan knew more about Phil than any of his friends and family, and he liked having someone around to confide in.

Dan was such a beautiful person to Phil, inside and out. His smile where his dimples showed could melt the heart of anyone, probably even voldemort couldn't resist smiling when Dan did.

Despite the bright smile, Dan wasn't always happy. Phil knew he was constantly depressed, had a shit home life with even shitter neglectful parents, and he didn't really see the point of his existence, but Phil saw it. Dan was destined to be something great, he was going to mean something to so many people when he grew old. And he would try to tell Dan, but all of his attempts for Dan to see the light would fail. And when Dan was sad, so was Phil. He just wish he could understand his friend, or give up his happiness for Dan. He would do that in a heartbeat if it would remove the doubt from Dan's mind.

After only a month of late night meet ups, Phil could tell he really liked Dan. Not even in just a best friend way, more like a i-want-to-hold-your-hand-and-cuddle-you-under-the-stars kind of way. He wasn't sure why. He hadn't known Dan for long, yet he knew the ins and outs of his friend's mind and he just made Phil happier than anyone else in his life.

So one night, Phil decided he would confront Dan. He needed Dan to know, it was eating him up inside. It was like any other normal night, but it wasn't for Phil. He was trying to keep his composure but he was visibly nervous. He arrived at their normal meet up spot on the bridge, waiting early for Dan. After a few minutes, Phil spotted Dan approaching. He took a deep breath before smiling at the boy.

"You're here early." Dan commented. He leaned his back up against the railing next to Phil, smiling at him.

"Yeah, well I've just had a lot on my mind."

"What about?"

Phil bit his lip and glanced down at his feet, hesitating for a moment before looking up and Dan. No words seemed to come to mind once he locked eyes with Dan's perfect brown ones. He couldn't think, and anytime he tried to speak nothing would come out.

"Phil?" Dan questioned, looking at Phil some sort of sign of response.

Without thinking, Phil quickly leaned over to Dan and pressed his lips against his. Phil's hands moved up quickly to cup the younger boy's face, deepening the kiss. At first, Dan was shocked and didn't move. But after the moment, the kiss was returned and Phil felt a weight lift off his chest. He never imagined this entire scenario just because he ended up going on a walk one night and just so happened to see Dan standing on the bridge. He never imagined he would be this happy and to feel all of the butterflies in his stomach flutter so fast.

After a few seconds, Dan was the first to pull away and now he was the speechless one. Phil noticed Dan's bright red cheeks and he couldn't help but giggle at how cute he looked. Dan blushed harder and lightly shoved Phil.

"Shut it."

"But you're so cute." Phil smiled and gently pulled Dan closer once more, to the point where their foreheads were gently resting against each other. "And I really do like you, Dan. You don't see it, but you're so perfect to me. I just...don't understand why you've stuck around to hang out with a loser like me every night."

"Maybe I'm into cute losers who kiss me under the stars?" Dan said, his smile beaming once again. "I like you too, Phil. I was just too shy to say anything. Just don't get sick of me now."

"I promise I won't."

_But I ask now,_  
 _How can angels fly when you're still on the ground?_  
 _Cause I've been searching my whole life for you to turn my life around,_  
 _And now I don't know what to say because the pain won't go away,_  
 _And I've crying since the day that you took all my good away._

Phil returned to their spot the following night, feeling the butterflies in his stomach become active again. He sat down on the pavement and waited, glancing up at the street every few seconds as he got more and more anxious.

 Dan didn't come to the bridge at his normal time that night. Phil remembers checking his phone as it read twenty minutes after one and Dan hadn't shown up. He was starting to worry. Maybe Dan was having second thoughts, maybe he finally got sick of Phil being so insecure and awkward. Bad thoughts and over thinking quickly spread through his mind as he stood up. He began to pace across the bridge, probably looking insane to any onlookers.

The time reached 1:40, and Phil decided it was time to go home. He couldn't wait all night, and he figured Dan wasn't going to show if he didn't by now. Phil had a gut feeling something was wrong, but he had no idea what to do. So he just went home and decided he would go to the bridge again the next night in hope Dan would return.

When Phil showed up to the bridge the next night, Dan was there before him. He was standing the same way as Phil had first laid eyes on him. He stood against the ledge, but this time he cracked a smile up toward the sky as he stood there. The wind ripped his frizzy hair around, his hair whipping around in front of his eyes as he stared up at the stars.

"Dan? Are you alright?" Phil spoke as he approached the boy.

Dan didn't move or speak at first. He waited until Phil got closer before responding.

"My dad says we shouldn't see each other anymore."

"What?" Phil said a bit quickly, looking confused.

"He saw I was so happy yesterday. He made me tell him why, he said only faggots kiss other boys. And he wasn't going to have a no good faggot living under his roof." Dan's voice cracked halfway through his last sentence, and recognition sparked inside of Phil's mind.

"Dan, look at me." Phil said quietly.

After a moment of silence, Dan complies and turned to face Phil. He had a black eyes and his lip was cracked open and had dried blood surrounding it. His neck looked bruised as well, like someone had chocked him or held him forcefully there.

"Oh, Dan." Phil said sadly. He couldn't understand why anyone would ever want to hurt someone as precious as Dan. He went to wrap his arms around Dan, but he was pushed away.

"Phil...I can't.  I-I'm sorry but he's my dad.."

"You can come live with me. You don't need such a piece of shit raising you."

"He's still my dad. I don't want to be a faggot, okay? I don't want to go to hell!" Dan seemed to snap as he shouted at Phil, taking a few steps away from him.

"Dan...you're not going to hell, okay? I don't know what he told you, but you're perfectly fine-"

"Shut up, okay? I just, I can't be around you anymore, alright? It was nice while it lasted, but I would like it if you left me alone."

Phil was stunned. He stood there, unresponsive as he looked at the boy in front of him. He may look like Dan, but he wasn't acting like himself. But he didn't want to argue, and he didn't want to do anything Dan didn't consent to. So he just glumly turned his back to Dan and walked back the way he came.

_I wish I had never walked away,_  
 _Cause if I knew you'd jump, I'd dive into that bay._  
 _And I would have saved you from the cold,_  
 _Cause when you took that leap you stole my heart and soul._

Phil wished he has never walked away. Two days later, local newspaper headlines read about how a young boy's body was found on the shore of the lake underneath the bridge. The boy had hit his head on rocks below in the water and had drowned late the night before. It was 18 year old Dan Howell. Phil couldn't stop crying since he heard the news. He had locked himself up in his room, ignoring his parents pleas for him to talk to them. No one would understand how he felt.

It felt like a dream. Like the last month never happened and it was all just a figment of his imagination. He just couldn't believe Dan would be capable of doing such a thing. Phil was such an idiot for leaving that night. He knew Dan was in bad shape, yet he left him there on the bridge. He was probably the last person to see him alive.

Phil's heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest. He liked- no, loved, Dan. He was probably the only person who had ever felt so strongly towards Dan yet it wasn't enough.

The article in the paper was short and to the point, but one paragraph snagged at Phil's heart. It was a comment from his mother, who openly said that Dan was a lovely son and all he really wanted was to be cared about and loved. And Phil couldn't help but start to sob.

Phil buried his face into his pillow and just sobbed, praying for some way to go back in time to save Dan. He would have loved him properly, saved him from his dad and keep him safe. But now he couldn't, and he know understood what Dan meant when he felt like there was no purpose in life. Dan was Phil's purpose, and he had taken all of his good away.

_Your mother said you're up above,_  
 _And all you wanted was a man for you to love._  
 _Well I just started breaking down,_  
 _Because the angel I'd been searching for had left me on the ground,_  
 _And now I'll die alone._

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah hoped you guys enjoyed it!! Comments & kudos are greatly appreciated c:


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